WASHNGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a vehement protection of the previous President, Tucker Carlson mentioned that Donald J. Trump’s doable theft of nuclear secrets and techniques “pales compared” with Hunter Biden’s doable use of his father’s Netflix password.
“Let’s be clear: we don’t know if Trump stole nuclear secrets and techniques, and we don’t know if Hunter stole his dad’s Netflix password,” the Fox Information host mentioned. “However, if each of these items occurred, what Hunter did was far worse.”
Increasing on his argument, Carlson mentioned, “Nobody is aware of what Trump would do, if something, with nuclear secrets and techniques. However Hunter Biden might have just one use for his father’s Netflix password: illegally acquiring streaming content material without cost.”
“If Hunter did this, he should be punished to the fullest extent of the regulation,” he added.
Carlson demanded that Lawyer Basic Merrick Garland drop the investigation into Trump’s possession of categorised paperwork and probe Hunter Biden’s doable use of an ill-gotten Netflix password “instantly.”
“It’s time to do your job, Merrick Garland,” he mentioned. “Each time Hunter watches ‘Stranger Issues’ without cost, our democracy is threatened.”